I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
