I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I have fence marks all over my body
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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