I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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