would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
