Just cropdusted the office
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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