youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
