I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
