sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I got inside last night via doggy door
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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