with your own penis?
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
