True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Even my vagina gasped.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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