i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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