btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
