i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
