there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
