Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize