we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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