i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
