Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
