Pants 0. Shit 1.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My cat gives me a boner
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
