To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
