I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
