Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
