Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
