y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
