If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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