Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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