We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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