She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
