We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize