AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
