Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
