i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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