why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
