i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
