SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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