Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
