It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
