I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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