she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
why is half of my head shaved?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
