I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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