lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
