your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
