singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
