I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize