I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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