she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
