My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
