Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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