How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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