i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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