and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
