Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize