I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
