I just made out with a guy for $7.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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