is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
