I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
