Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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