Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
These tits shall not be calmed
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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