I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
