You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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