Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
