she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
