I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
