onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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