oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
