if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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