Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
