If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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