he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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