Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
