she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
