It's Friday. Sex?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
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