Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
