She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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