we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize