I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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