Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
