So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
