Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
