He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
