can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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