....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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