I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize