nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
