if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize