Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize