went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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