Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
