Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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