How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
